Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
