He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
