It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
