whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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