Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
