I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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