i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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