My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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