help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
