I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
