I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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