despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
