Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
