He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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