i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
