1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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