I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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