Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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