So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How's work?
Spinning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
