I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
