The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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