When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
