We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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