I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
