I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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