I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
