Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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