I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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