is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
