it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
