i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
