I bet he comes in French.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
