i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
