Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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