He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
