Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
