Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
