So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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