I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
