the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
time to smoke my breakfast
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
