Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
