when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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