PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
