I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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