Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
