sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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