his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
