I think my vagina is haunted
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
