A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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