dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
