So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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