So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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