if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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