Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We are all done wearing pants today
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