Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
