Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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